Suzette did not do this!

A long, long time ago, I worked for an organization that had a shipping/printing department just full of young houligans…and a young man we’ll call Mike. He was young too, but different from the rest. He was the butt of all jokes…was seriously lacking in social skills…and pretty much screwed up day in and day out. But, we felt sorry for him, and he kept his job. For 25 years. But, this story really isn’t about Mike. He just gives me a nostalgic frame of reference.

You see, once upon a time, most of us were gone to our national convention. The shipping/printing department had to prepare and ship TONS of materials to our convention headquarters. It must have gotten boring and tedious, because among the pallets of materials, there was one very important box that was wrapped in about five pounds of various types of tapes. It must have taken them quite some time to prepare that “special” package for us. I’m sure they just had a grand ol’ time with it. We, however, got a bigger laugh out of the little note that had been taped to one side of the box. It was written in a childish, unmistakable scrawl. It looked something like this:

That became one of our anthems: “I did not do this! I was in the restroom the WHOLE time.”

Fast forward about 30-something years.

Our executive director has been on maternity leave all summer. Tuesday is her first day back. We’ve all been fretting and fussing and preparing for the return of our fearless leader for a while now. Late yesterday afternoon I was called up to her office. Something was up. I could hear gales of laughter through the phone. So, what greeted me as I entered the Inner Sanctum? This:

Since she hasn’t been around to enjoy our version of the city’s painted pony project, someone decided she has a lot of catching up to do.

And, don’t you love the Tootsie Roll sculpture some artiste added? If you don’t see it right away, let your eyes wander down…

In case you can’t read the sign around its neck, here’s a closer look:

I’m thinking about adding a second sign:

Different Approaches

Today, Tracey over at Nine Acres: 20 Miles North of Nowhere is using one of my photos to illustrate this week’s Friday photo lesson. It’s all about layers. I’ve been struggling with layers for years…decades, reallly. I had asked her a question about them, and she invited me to submit a couple of photos to use to illustrate some points. I love what she’s done with the sample she chose to use today.

Let’s see what one of the others looks like. Here’s another original I sent her:

This was taken on the Loop 12 Bypass in the Texas Hill Country one fine April afternoon. I was a bit disappointed in the photo because the colors on the countryside were so intense that day, and none of the photos I took accurately reflected that. Plus, my little point and shoot digital just couldn’t cope with the strong contrast between the light-dappled leaf cluster and the bright flower heads. I fiddled with it and fiddled with it, and just couldn’t get it right.

So, eventually, I gave up and used my favorite picture-saving software – Virtual Painter. I love Virtual Painter. It’s what I used on the Jeff Tweedy and Lancaster Musicians photos I featured here earlier. I have several “paintings” framed and hung in my home now. I often print them on ink-jet canvas, and they really look great. So, anyway…here’s what I ended up with, using Virtual Painter:

I like it. But, I’ve always wished I could adjust it so that I could enjoy it as a photograph, too. Tracey did a very nice job of manipulating it. Here’s her version

Nice, huh?

I don’t know about you, but I’m severely layer-challenged. I’m looking forward to becoming enlightened. I’m about to get on over to Tracey’s place and see if I can learn a thing or two.

Thanks Tracey!

“New” Digs!

I think, had there been an actual contest, I may have won the ribbon for Ugliest Office Ever. Y’see, my predecessor had some sort of attack one weekend and painted the whole thing an incredibly ugly faux finished yellow and green mess. Words just don’t describe its loveliness.

Why, oh why, would anybody DO that? Plus, she was sloppy. She got it all over the window frame and the little metal grid thingies that hold the ceiling tiles in place.

And, of course, there has been no money for redecorating.

So, while I was gone on vacation recently, one of my staffers, Patti, took pity on me and took matters into her own hands. She shares this ugly space one day a week, and she had just HAD it!

In case you didn’t get the full impact of the uglies, here is another shot of the “before.”

And here’s Miss Patti, just workin’ away. I love that girl!

She even corrected the messes where Predecessor had slopped the green/yellow goo! When I came back from vacation, this is what greeted me:

A breath of fresh air!

Patti also reupholstered the side chair next to my desk. AND…she found a stash of posters from previous acts we’ve presented, and had three of them professionally framed to bring a touch of class to my wall. They were delivered yesterday. Doesn’t it look 100% better?

We got shot down on the new blinds, but I’ll take what I can get. I gave her a nice piece of my jewelry in appreciation, but really…there’s no way I can thank her enough. I’m so lucky to work with such great people, don’t you think?

I’m Losing It – Week 2

Six pounds down!

It’s been a good week. I just have six more pounds to go to get back to the place where I shot myself in the foot with eDiets. And then on to my first new goal.

It’s been a pretty easy week. I didn’t experience any hunger until this weekend, and I suspect a lot of that was boredom. At work, I don’t have time to think about being hungry.

The meals have been tasty, and the fact that I’m allowed legumes and peanut butter in these first weeks helps a ton. I’ve had several bean casseroles and a lovely chicken satay. I made an amazing green goddess dressing the South Beach way and have really enjoyed my salads all week long. The worst is the planning. Knowing what I’m going to eat ahead of time, shopping for it, storing it and then preparing it takes a lot more effort than I usually expend. Plus, I have to remember to allow enough time in the morning to bag up enough food to get me through the day. It’s so much easier to just hit the snack machine.

Exercise is lagging behind the food part of the program. Surprise! I find that I am so inflexible that the whole body exercise program is pure torture. All the more reason I should pursue it, huh? But, I haven’t, except for one painful day. I’ve been substituting the walking program instead. And, it’s been raining. I walked in the rain one day, but the other two rain days, I didn’t. All in all, I’m moving a lot more than usual, so that’s a win.

Things are good. I’m looking forward to more progress, but I have done this enough times that I know subsequent weeks will show much smaller losses. That’s OK…they’re a heckuva lot better than gains.

I dunno….

This afternoon I made a trek back over to the middle school to survey a crop of what I had decided were wild grapes.

I’m not so sure.

They LOOK like grapes in the photo, don’t they? But…they’re only 1/4 inch in diameter. Not what I remember from the wild grapes of my childhood. The leaves look like grape leaves. And they’ve got grapey-looking tendrils all over the place. (I did a much better job of photographing the leaves and tendrils in my Urban Foraging post.)

I even tasted one! I didn’t swallow. Just tasted and got rid of it. It was really sour. Not especially “grapey.” But not vile, either.

Since they didn’t get very big, making anything out of them would be a challenge. But, unless anyone can tell me for sure that these are grapes – and not hemlock or something similar – I’m not going to risk it.

Speaking of mystery berries. Growing nearby are bazillions of these little babies. TONS of ‘em. I sure wish I knew if THEY are edible, because there’s enough for jam for half the county, if so.

Anybody know what these guys are? Tammy? You out there? You’re from around these parts? How about it?

Pardon Our Dust

This is Dick. He works for me. He’s watering the begonias in front of our building.

Some genius planted them there with no thought as to how they might get watered. If Mother Nature doesn’t take care of it, well…the poor things are out of luck. So, every few days, one of us rolls out our wheelchair, holding two trashcans full of water, and provides some relief for the poor things.

Let’s step back a bit. I think our entrance is pleasant, in spite of the watering crisis the flowers endure now and then. See those nice little oaks (at least I think they’re oaks) on either side of the entrance?

They’re doomed.

And some of us are quite unhappy about that.

The story is that “they” have decided we need a new sign on the front of our entrance. Fine. Perhaps we do. But “they” also decided that (a) the trees are in the way and will impair the installation of said new sign and (b) the trees are overgrown (???) and block the view of the sign.

Hmmmmm….overgrown? I thought oaks got waaaay bigger than that.

Plus, if you want to talk about blocking the sign, let’s take a gander at the front of the building as it is seen from the street.

That’s our building, peeking out from behind that apple tree, crape myrtles and pines.

But…the oaks have to go. And that makes me very, very sad.

So, day before yesterday, a truck and trailer pulled up. Four people piled out and started whacking on our ceiling with sledge hammers. My desk is just on the other side of that wall..about six inches from the “action.” It was so exciting. Notice the pink arrow? It points to our creative use of music stands as impromptu sign-holders. We were advising people to use the next set of doors just north of the construction. Of course, people just lifted the caution tape and crawled under, picking their way through the rubble and swinging sledgehammers. Have you noticed how dumb a lot of people are?

In no time at all, the stucco was flying all over everywhere.

This pink arrow points to Alvin’s burrow. I was seriously worried about Alvin. The noise alone should have scared him out of his furry little hide. The construction debris even got down his burrow entrance.

The workmen cleaned up pretty well, and even pulled the chunk out of the hole. I’m sure they had no idea they were threatening our office pet, but I’m also sure they wouldn’t have cared, had they known. But, all is well….Alvin made an appearance late this afternoon. I was so relieved to see him!

The rubble got even deeper than this. I just got embarrassed to take more pictures of these guys, who couldn’t begin to understand me, had I tried to tell them this was for my blog. I wonder what they thought I was doing.

By the time they were done, nothing was left but a bit of framework, with lights hanging by their wires. Now we wait for the next step, which will most likely start with men wielding chainsaws.

I…am…so…upset!

Bainbridge Petunia

I’m having a hard time getting myself back together now that vacation is over and work is the order of the day. Suddenly, there just aren’t enough hours. So, today’s post will be another of those manipulated photo discussions.

It started with a pleasant photo I took of a double petunia on Bainbridge Island a couple of summers ago. I really had a good time that afternoon and wanted a reminder to hang on the wall. But, the photo straight out of the camera seemed somewhat ordinary, as flower shots go. Here’s the original.

First, I applied the Orton Effect to get a “glow.” If you are not familiar with this process, simply Google Orton Effect, and you’ll get a number of tutorial sites that give step-by-step instructions. It uses pretty basic steps and can be done with a number of graphics applications.

Then, I applied a frame, using instructions found on Nightshadow FX. Those instructions refer to Paint Shop Pro, but I suspect the same filters are available in Photoshop and many other similar applications. Again…it’s pretty basic stuff.

And, the final result is:

Looking back on it, I now think the original wasn’t all that lacking….but I do like the framed version. I’m thinking that I may do it again, using just the frame…no Orton Effect. I’ve used this process for an ocean photo that was very boring, and it really made it snap. Give it a try. It’s fun to do!

My Baby

So, it’s a slow news day. Actually, it’s not. After being away from work for 10 days, you can imagine now UN-slow it was! Plus, something really blog-worthy cranked up in the late afternoon, and I left the photos at work, so I can’t really get into that right now.

So, I’m going to drag out my baby pictures. My “baby” does a bit of modeling and acting, and she needed to expand her portfolio a little. She recently moved into a new apartment, and before the boxes and junk arrived, she and her favorite photographer took advantage of the setting. They took hundreds of shots, and it’s taking a long time to slog through them all, but of the ones that have been “released” so far, this is my favorite.

I never get used to how beautiful she is.

And even though this one hides her pretty face, I like it a lot. Maybe because it shows the saucy side of her, which she doesn’t unleash all that often.

Ok…so I’m done being a mom.

Oh, really?

Do you EVER get done being a mom? I….don’t….think…so.

I’m Losing It – Week 1

I really hesitated about doing this in public. I’m setting myself up for all sorts of embarrassment. It took a lot of soul-searching and finally I decided I’m going to do it. I’m going to share my weight loss struggle on my blog. I do NOT want this to become a diet blog, so I will only mention it on Mondays – my weigh-in day.

If my family is reading this, I’m sure they’re rolling their eyes. Y’see…this is not the first time. Nor the second..or third…or fourth. You get the picture. Those of us with weight issues go down this road many times in our lives. I think there’s still hope as long as we keep trying. Once you give up, you’re done for!

I turned 60 this week. All the charts I’ve consulted say I will live to be 82-ish. I decided I want to live the last quarter of my life in a healthier place. I lost a little bit earlier in the year following eDiets glycemic impact program. Then, I got fed up with the malfunctioning portions of that site and stomped off in disgust…eating all the way. I gained back 10 of those pounds in the meantime. Intelligent, huh?

This last month to six weeks, I have been trying to exorcise all my demons. I’ve been gorging on fat, sugar and starch. DD has noticed and must think I have lost my mind. Maybe I have. But, it seemed like something I needed to do. I think it may have worked. Looking at the remnants of my debauchery this morning, I feel vaguely sick and disgusted. I’m looking forward to tossing out the last of the junk later on today.

So…what am I doing? I’ve decided to use the South Beach Diet. After the initial two-week phase, it will allow me some carbs, which are important to me. I am also doing something TOTALLY foreign. I’m following the exercise portion as well. They recommend doing an alternating intensity walk every other day. Today’s was pretty easy, but I definitely felt it. Tomorrow is a course of exercises designed to strengthen core muscles. I really, really need that.

The walking is very structured. For instance, today’s walk started with a five-minute warmup, followed by six alternating-intensity groups paced at 15 seconds more intense/60 seconds less intense. Each day the intensity, length and number of repetitions changes. I’ve made myself a counter out of beads to keep up with the number of reps. I also realized I would need a stopwatch. They’re so cheap now! I bought one for $10, but now that I’ve played with this, I see that I could have gone with the $5 model.

I have spent about $250 in groceries, books, supplies, etc. That’s the bad news. Of course, it will never be as expensive as this first week, but this is not going to be easy on the budget. In fact, the cost may be the hardest part, in the long run.

I’ve rambled about this quite enough already. I mostly wanted to hang it out there and make a public commitment. Oh, and I might as well share the really bad news. This morning I weighed 230.0 – quite a lot for my 5′6″ frame. For now, I’m aiming for under 200, and then we’ll regroup and see what the future holds.

Believe It Or Not #2 – Scotch Fur Fighter

With two cats and a dog in this house…and a somewhat relaxed housekeeper…our furniture is often a bit fuzzy. Every once in a while even I have to admit it’s time to de-fuzz. I’ve tried everything and am always up for a new product or trick. So, yesterday when I spied this item at Walmart, I threw it into my cart.

This little tool consists of a handle on which you stick (with a velcro-like action) these little pads. The pads are made of almost microscopic rubbery fingers. Once the pad is adhered to the tool, you rub it over the hair-laden surface. When the pad is full of hair, it is simply peeled from the handle and tossed in the trash.

Loading the tool is very easy. Simply place a pad on a flat surface and roll the handle over it. Quick and simple.

Now, I’m not going to embarrass myself by showing you the before and after shots of my sofa. But, I will share some of the process with you. First of all, our sofa is too hairy for even the best of tools. To start with, I always go over it with a damp sponge. That’s the BEST hair removal tool I’ve EVER found. It causes the hair to roll up into little wads that can easily be picked or vacuumed off. But, the wet sponge doesn’t get it all.

Enter the Fur Fighter.

Hmmmm….at $5.00 for 8 of these things, I could see this becoming a somewhat expensive activity. Never mind that the thing was picking up the hair pretty well. I wasn’t sure I could afford it. These two dirty pads are what it picked up from ONE sofa cushion (after the initial damp sponge treatment).

But wait! These things felt pretty sturdy to me. And they are apparently all rubber/plastic. Wouldn’t they be washable?

You bet they are! They wash very well! Just run a stream of water over them and rub from the center toward the edges with your thumbs. Adding a bit of dishwashing detergent seemed to help. I also swiped across the surface a couple of times with the yucky toothbrush I keep under the sink. Here’s what they looked like after being washed.

So…should you believe it? Or not?

Yes, they do a pretty good job of picking up pet hair. You can believe that. But, don’t you believe it when they tell you to toss ‘em. I’m going back to get a refill package so I’ll have enough pads to do the whole job without waiting for cleaned pads to dry.

Their website has a $2.00 off coupon on the starter kit, which was about $8 at my Walmart. Unfortunately, there’s no coupon for the refills. SIGH.

http://www.furfighter.com

How I Spent My Summer Vacation – Part 3

When I moved to Memphis, my main focus was finding a job (which took FOREVER) and getting settled in my new house. I didn’t do any of the touristy stuff. I’m trying to make up for some of that. So, yesterday DD and I toured the National Ornamental Metal Museum. The museum is tucked away in a very old part of town on the banks of the Mississippi River.

The main building houses lots of small items, including an extensive collection of enameled pieces, jewelry and small sculptures. Throughout the house and grounds are examples of grillwork and fences. Here’s DD trying to get some money out of this turn-of-the-century teller’s cage. Those little spikes are SHARP!

Here’s one of the more interesting bits of fencing. Can you imagine an entire fence made of this design? It must have been quite the talk of the town when it was installed!

There is also a display of creative barbeque grills on the grounds. They were made of ammunition boxes, car doors, all sorts of tanks and tubes. But, this one was my favorite. It’s not only a grill, it’s the entire picnic. I give you the Stretch Jalopy Grill.

Whimsy and general weirdness greets you at every turn. For instance, have you ever seen a rubber chicken….made of metal?

In the “weirdness” area, I was oddly fascinated by this menacing fountain. I can’t explain why.

There is a blacksmith shop, but he wasn’t actively engaged in smithing at the moment, so we took no pictures. We did enjoy looking at the amazing array of tools and equipment he had, though. I figured a blacksmith would use a furnace and an anvil and that would be about it. Not so. There were all sorts of huge mashers, pressers, rollers, benders and assorted smashing thingies.

After we cruised through the exceptionally good gift shop, DD took a break to research what interesting attraction we might explore next…while this owl read over her shoulder.

We didn’t make a decision, but this is Elvis Week here in Memphis. (Those who are less reverent refer to it as “Dead Week.”) I thought about going out to Graceland to take photos of all the Elvis folk wandering around. But, I decided I didn’t care to fork over the somewhat pricey entry fee just to gawk. So, I assigned DD and her photographer friend to take pix tomorrow when they work the event. Maybe I’ll have something to show you. We’ll have to wait and see.

How I Spent my Summer Vacation – Part 2

You know what they say about a picture being worth a thousand words, and all that. Well, here’s the picture:

If DD reads this, I’m going to get yelled at, but here goes with “the story.”

I spent the previous night in Henderson, Kentucky. I had chosen that out-of-the-way destination based on multiple recommendations on Roadfood about this little restaurant that serves the best fried chicken in the country. Maybe the world. I was warned that it was hard to find. And it was dark by the time I checked into my hotel. But, undaunted, I took off with a street map in hand, looking for chicken. I’m still looking. SIGH…. I had noted another semi-famous chicken place in my wanderings through this little town, so when I finally gave up on Bon Ton Mini Mart…I headed to my second choice. I had wasted so much time that the sidewalks had rolled up, and it was closed! Bummer! By then, I was really hungry, and when I passed a service station/convenience store advertising chicken in a big way…I wheeled in. It was OK. Not memorable. But OK.

Little did I know that I had set the tone for this trip. I was destined to wander. A lot. In the dark. With little gas.

So, the next morning, I bopped on up to Columbus, IN, which was the closest hotel room to Bloomington I could find. It was something like 60 miles away, I think. But, no worries. I have old friends in Columbus and Indianapolis, and they met me for lunch. We had pork tenderloin sandwiches at the Columbus Bar, another Roadfood recommendation. They were stupendous! The company was great. I’ve known one of these guys about 30 years or so. The other I’ve known a long time, too. Lots of memories and catching up later, I headed on over to Bloomington.

I took about a bazillion photos of the DCI finals. I don’t know yet if there will be any that are artistic enough to interest non-fans, so there are no examples of the evening’s festivities here just yet. But, the real story begins AFTER the competition. Things wound down about midnight, and I headed out of the parking lot, figuring I’d be snug in my bed in Columbus around 1:00 a.m. HAH!

Like a sheep, I followed four or five cars through a “Y” in the road. I should have blazed my own trail. I knew I wanted Highway 46. I found myself on Highway 446 instead. I figured this was just a loop which would hook back up with 46 on the outskirts of town. It was a loop alright! I refer you to the map above. By the time I realized I was NOT going to be back on 46 any time soon, I had invested way too much time and gas in this venture to turn around. Did I mention that I had less than a quarter of a tank when I left Bloomington? That’s plenty in my little Honda Civic…assuming I had followed my intended route. Meandering throughout Southern Indiana….a quarter of a tank ain’t so much gas. In the middle of the night.

I was worried. Seriously worried.

My sense of direction told me I was way south and west of where I wanted to be, so when I ran into a road heading east (perhaps toward the interstate where I would find GAS), I took it. Miles and miles of nothing. I mean NOTHING. Then I spied a road heading north. Surely that would get me back to 46. Surely. The nothingness became oppressive. I didn’t know at the time that I was driving through a national forest. No people. No gas. No signs. No nothing. Nothing but darkness. And a little fog. And curves. See those little dots on on Route 135? You think those mean “scenic route” don’t you? Well, what they really represent are 20 MPH multiple curves – with steep little hills built into them. I just KNEW I was going to wrap my little Honda around one of those humongous trees and die on a lonely road in the middle of the night in a forest in Indiana. I kept thinking how ticked off DD was going to be with me.

Eventually, I began to recognize names of towns – Gnaw Bone for one. Doncha love that? I sure did at that moment, I can guarantee you! At that point, the little red warning light had not yet come on, even though the gas gauge was sitting on E. I knew I had about 17 miles to go when the light came on…and I knew Gnaw Bone was about 15-20 miles from my hotel. If I could make it to Gnaw Bone without the light coming on…I’d probably sleep safe that night (instead of in my car on the side of the road…which was looking like my reality). On I pressed. I nearly cried when I saw the “Junction 46″ sign just west of Gnaw Bone. Safe! And almost “home.” Waaaaay past my bedtime. I’ve never been so glad to see a Holiday Inn sign in my life!

I ended up wandering and watching the gas gauge again before the trip was over. But, that’s a story for another day. Right now, I’m trying to decide exactly how I’m going to spend the rest of my vacation. I really don’t quite know what to do with all this free time!

I’ll think of something.